The Black Queen

This was a note I posted on Facebook that also works as my blog post. It is a joint memoir of myself and the character from my novel, Bayrd Anstal:

I hated her when I first met her.

It was nothing she did either... or well, part of it was, but mostly it was about who she was spending time with. I mistakenly thought he was her boyfriend. The fact that he wasn't didn't change the fact that she spent time with this guy. "Tell me who thy company is and I will tell thee who thou art."

So I came to the conclusion that she was a pompous, rude person. He was undeniably intelligent, and I could see that she was as well. I'm no idiot myself, I am drawn to intellectual people, but the arrogance and overweening personality of this guy repulsed me.

There was one major problem.

She was gorgeous. I disliked the girl, but couldn't help but keep an eye on her. And then she started showing up among my circle of friends, she was there in some of the same activities I did, she was in, what I would now call Black Territory, but I would have considered her little more than a white pawn, bishop at best.

Little did I know that she would undeniably become the Black Queen.

This is eternally significant. She was the Black Queen. Not at any point did Jennifer become the Black Queen. While that might sound harsh, keep in mind that in this game of chess (life) the King and Queen are not necessarily romantically involved. In Neville's books the Black Queen marries the Black Knight, the Black Bishop marries the White Queen, (a different) Black Queen marries (a different) White King... position on the board does not dictate a relationship between pieces.

Bayrd-- In a moment of personal tragedy she was the one that carried me through it all, the one that empathized and made herself available. In the strength of her love, love for someone that hated her, she changed my heart.

DXW-- I am not even sure when it happened or how. As I saw her more and more I began to see her distinctly for who she was and learned to not associate her with that pompoous, arrogant attitude I assumed she had. She was actually, intelligent, sweet, funny, and just fun to be with. And did I mention she was gorgeous?

Then one day she passed me a letter. I will never forget it because it said plainly, "I love you." In that moment I was transfigured. With those three words my heart melted.

Bayrd and DXW-- In the months that followed the relationship grew. She was amazing. There was no one I would have rather spent time with. Even now she is rarely far from thought or mind. She and I shared deep secrets and concerns, we beared our souls to each other. I may have never been so bluntly honest about my feelings and who I was with any other human being in my life. And the times that I held something back, she knew it all as if she could read my mind.

Then tragedy struck, and I didn't see her again. That was when my (our?) life (lives?) changed forever.


OK, joint memoir idea was a little odd. But I hope point made. Judging someone before getting to know them nearly cost me the strongest piece on my board, and poorly handling personal tragedy removed the piece.

The story is deliberately left hanging. Bayrd's story will be finished in the novel. The story of my life isn't written to completion yet.

En Passant

Sometimes the best laid plans just go wrong.

Ever feel like you are getting on your feet and just starting to move forward only to find that even such a simple little attempt sets you even further behind?

En Passant occurs when a pawn moves forward two spaces from its starting position, coming to rest in a square beside a pawn of an the opposing color. The enemy pawn may attack diagonally forward into the position that the pawn would have had to move through and legally capture the pawn. En Passant means "In passing" in french. The pawn is captured in passing.

Life is full of these En Passant moments. Despite the best laid plans, something happens in passing to set us back. The best strategic move would have been to not move that pawn at all. Sometimes we just have to wait until the time is right,

Sometimes I need to wait until someone worth being around makes me move. I am content with my bishops, knights, and rooks. There is no queen, but pushing a pawn across the board at this point is suicide, En Passant. Black is not ready for a queen, the field can still be managed and won missing that piece.

Chess is life, life is Chess. And in life, just as in Chess, the game must go on.

Chess is Life

This quote comes from Bobby Fischer. "Chess is life."

I've been rereading The Eight by Katherine Neville and it is a wonderful, deep book. It keeps me thinking with every page. But tonight I am thinking about chess and my life.

If my life were a chess match, who would occupy this board with me? And what piece would they represent?

Some of the pieces have already been removed from the board, some of the pieces have no one to represent them, and some of the pawns are just waiting to enter enemy territory and be transfigured. But here are some of the pieces. For the sake of the book, I am playing black.

Black King: Only way this allusion works is for that to be me. It fits with my pen name, Xiao Wang, the Diminutive King.

Black Queen: Has been removed from the board. Perhaps a pawn will clear the board. "Be ye transfigured!"

Kingside Bishop: This is Vlad. No doubt on that one, but Vlad will be surprised.

Kingside Knight: This is John. Somehow I think he will be pleased with this distinction.

Kingside Rook: Alex, this can only be you.

Queenside Bishop: I think this is my sister, Elisa.

Queenside Knight: This is Breckany, this was always Breckany, and I was silly not to see it sooner.

Queenside Rook: This must be Katie. She and my sister Elisa may be switched in the wrong positions.

Pawns: I won't name you, some of you know who you are. "Pawns are the heart of chess." It's not a dismissive statement to name you a pawn, I can't make it without you.