A new pawn? Maybe

So today was my mother's wedding. It was lovely, and I am a sucker for romance in the best of circumstances. The best moment of it all for me though was that I got to dance with my daughter at the reception. She and I shared the first dance together.

She was wearing a spring dress, with multi-colored polka dots. She is such a charming, pretty, and smart girl. I might be a little biased =)

Well before the wedding I was talking to my mother and asked (I was really joking at the time) if I could bring a date. My mom quickly and forcefully said no. Even though I was jesting, I was surprised at her swift reaction.

I later learned that it was because my ex was going to be there.

I asked my mother if there was going to be anyone there around my age that I could potentially, you know, dance with. My mother advised me that the only non-attached girl around my age would be my new aunt. I saw nothing wrong with the idea of dancing with my step-aunt. My mother seemed exasperated that I would consider such a thing.

So the wedding came and I was surprised to see a very pretty, young woman there. My mother never even considered the photographer... And I can't really blame my mother, she has known the photographer since the girl was four years old. I guess the fact that she is now eighteen never crossed my mothers mind.

It crossed my mind,

Initially I said, in front of the girl even, that she was too young for me. Then I considered that I was meeting her at a wedding of two people that have a 14-15 year age difference. Suddenly our age difference didn't seem so large.

I made efforts to converse with her and discovered that she is into the arts, going to school, and planning on pursuing a career in the arts. She was really sweet and agreed to "save a dance for me."

Unfortunately at the reception there were a grand total of three dance songs and she was taking pictures. When she discovered there were no more dance songs she apologized for missing our dance. =(

Before leaving she came to me and said her goodbyes, I gave her my card. We shall see if anything comes of it. I think there may be a new pawn here. Yay!

Black and White part two

Both black and white believe their cause to be just. They believe that they are upholding righteousness in their struggle. White is always the aggressor however. White always takes the first move. Black then is on the defensive.

White reflects the light, black absorbs it. Either can be seen as righteous.

In the end though, there remains that duality. Not only is there White in Black Territory and vice-versa, but when a pawn successfully travels to the edges of the opposing territory they are transfigured and become more powerful.

Only by understanding your enemy do you ever understand yourself. How can you ever understand your own position if you don't understand the contra? By embracing this duality the weakest piece can become the most powerfull.

There is white and black in everything. Duality all around us. I was the White Knight, then the Black Knight, and finally the Black King. Amd now I understand that white, black-- its all the same. In one is the other.

Two righteous forces on the field, fighting a manifestation of a part of themselves. No wonder so many matches can only end in stalemate.

Zugzwang

There just comes a time where either way you are screwed. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Zugzwang occurs when a player has no move that will not worsen his or her position. The player must make a move, but every possible move places the player in danger. It's a matter of determining the lesser of the bad options, taking it, and working towards strengthening your position in the future.

I recently had to pay some bills that were the ex's. My name was on em, even though they were her debts. I am not in a position where I can afford to be so generous even if I really wanted to, but my options were essentially pay the bills or destroy my credit.

Zugzwang. No matter what option I took it was going to hurt. I paid the bils. This is not the first time and it probably won't be the last.

Tonigt I went out to volunteer with some of the students I work with. In order to do this I had to miss a major rock show with a beautiful young woman. My zugwang options were to either miss the concert or fail the students. I chose to do my volunteer work with the students and guess what?

I had a great time. I was reminded tonight why I do this volunteer work. I had been growing disheartened about it all but I am thrilled to have been able to work with amazing students and to hang out with them afterwards. And the woman? I will see her at another show tomorrow. She was one of the new pawns the other night, perhaps she can make the center board tomorrow night?

Sometimes it looks like zugzwang, but there are those few times that doing the right thing makes everything work out in the end.

Chess is Life

This quote comes from Bobby Fischer. "Chess is life."

I've been rereading The Eight by Katherine Neville and it is a wonderful, deep book. It keeps me thinking with every page. But tonight I am thinking about chess and my life.

If my life were a chess match, who would occupy this board with me? And what piece would they represent?

Some of the pieces have already been removed from the board, some of the pieces have no one to represent them, and some of the pawns are just waiting to enter enemy territory and be transfigured. But here are some of the pieces. For the sake of the book, I am playing black.

Black King: Only way this allusion works is for that to be me. It fits with my pen name, Xiao Wang, the Diminutive King.

Black Queen: Has been removed from the board. Perhaps a pawn will clear the board. "Be ye transfigured!"

Kingside Bishop: This is Vlad. No doubt on that one, but Vlad will be surprised.

Kingside Knight: This is John. Somehow I think he will be pleased with this distinction.

Kingside Rook: Alex, this can only be you.

Queenside Bishop: I think this is my sister, Elisa.

Queenside Knight: This is Breckany, this was always Breckany, and I was silly not to see it sooner.

Queenside Rook: This must be Katie. She and my sister Elisa may be switched in the wrong positions.

Pawns: I won't name you, some of you know who you are. "Pawns are the heart of chess." It's not a dismissive statement to name you a pawn, I can't make it without you.