Pawns

In popular usage, the term "pawn" refers to someone or something that is manipulated or used. A "pawn" is expendable and of little value than to accomplished some limited goal, to push the game forward.

But a chess player will understand that a pawn is really so much more than that. It was Philidor that said "Pawns are the soul of chess." Prior to him chess players thought only to push the pawns forward and eliminate them quickly to allow other peices room to develop.

Philidor believed that pawns, played well, could be just as powerful as the major pieces in chess. Philidor, in his day, became the top chess master in the world. He famously played three chess games blindfolded, simultaneously. In the third match his oppenent even had a handicap. He won all three matches.

"Pawns are the soul of chess."

On my board, pawns are of incredible worth. I couldn't make it without them.

The knight is still white

Apparently I still play the white knight.

I went to a new bar tonight, Back Streets. I wanted to hear the jam session going on there tonight, one of the guys playing is the father of a student of mine. Yes, it blows me away too that the father of one of my students is in a local band and I enjoy seeing him play.

It's not often I can be out till 2AM at a bar with the parents of a student. I am totally enjoying this.

But just to make things clear, what happened tonight was in no way influenced by my need to behave around these parents. I still end up playing the white knight.

It was nothing particularly significant, just another example of my playing the role.

I was sitting at the bar with my back to the bar enjoying the live music. In walks a pretty blonde woman and she takes the bar stool immediately to my right.

I noticed that this new woman seemed out of sorts. She appeared upset, and was pounding away on her cell phone. She got the attention of some guy nearby who was leering over at her. He kept looking like he was going to come over and start hitting on her.

Finally, I reached over and put my hand on her arm. I was surprised that she acted like this was totally normal. But that was perfect, I wanted the guy to think that she came and sat next to me because we were together.

I leaned in close to her and asked her if she was ok. She smiled weakly and told me she was fine. She did have a very pretty smile. She looked like she was going to cry though.

The guy chose then to come over. He dropped two dollars in front of her and said something about how he was happy she was smoking (wth?). At that point the girl turned all her attention on me. She said "Now I feel like acheap whore." The guy couldn't hear any of this, he had walked away.

The girl was slurring her words and seemed quite drunk. I placed my hand on top of her's and rubbed the top of her hand gently. I reassured her that she shouldn't feel like a whore because he did something crazy like that. I mean, he was hovering and paying way too much attention to her and all.

A few moments later I hear her say "F-ck you" and look over, she was speaking at her phone, at a text message. I leaned over again and asked her again if she was alright. The guy came back in and walked behind her, so I placed a hand on her arm. He got the hint.

She got up to go, and I thought to stop her. She was way gone. I wanted to call a cab for her, at least make sure she had a wa to get home safely. Instead I watched as she left.

My whole way home the white knight part of me was kicking me. I should have made sure she would be ok. But I can't be everyone's hero all the time, the black king part of me said.

But the voice of the white knight is strong in me still. I am concerned that a woman I don't know-- heck, I don't even know her name-- and was very drunk is safely home. I can't always be everyone's hero, but I could have been her hero tonight. And who knows, maybe in the little I did I was.

Back again, black again

Over the past couple of days I have been finding myself wandering back to the Royal Key Bar. I guess I just wasn't ready to give it up as Black Territory.

Two days ago I set out for Rack'Em for the Friday Night Rocks show and never made it. I went to the Key with the intent of heading over to Rack'Em "in a little bit" and ended up staying the entire night.

Let's face it, I know myself well enough to know that I have a weakness for a beautiful woman, and the bartender was captivating as always. But it wasn't just that, I just like the place.

So the next day, yesterday, I set out for Rack'Em again, for their "Craqzy Night of Punk." I arrived early, so I headed to the Key again. Had a drink, chatted for a bit, then headed over to Rack'Em. What I caught of the show was great, the band Ghost Dog Ela was excellent. After two of the three scheduled bands I went back to the Key though.

Saw people I knew, chatted with the bartenders, and enjoyed the band playing there, Uncle Fester.

It seems that the Key is back to black. Nice to regain my territory. I am planning on hitting a new bar tomorrow, maybe this will be better than when I tried to hit Hustler's. I am always up for gaining ground.

Reclaiming Black Teritory

Tonight the game plan was to go to Rack'Em, enjoy a fun night listening to a rock band, and survey firm black territory. But like I said last night, some things just don't go according to plan.

First off, I really, really hesitated going anywhere. I was tired and dreaded the idea of a five mile walk to Rack'Em. But I remembered that it was always the nights that I just didn't feel like going but went anyway that I always have the greatest times. So I dragged my lazy butt out of my bedroom and went to Rack'Em.

When I got there it was... disappointing. The band was a cover band, but they were alright. The place billed as Cape Coral's party destination for 4:20, but there were maybe 15 people there, and the band was outside.

I like a fun loving, rocking crowd and I like the band loud and wild inside. I was very at a loss. So, I ordered a beer and sat down to drink it. While there I ran into a few people I knew, but there was simply no excitement, so I went to The Royal Key Bar.

I had been lying low since the events I recorded on this blog last week. I was happy to learn that the bar manager was not there, and that the bar tender from that post had actually worked there today.

The bartender working tonight is someone that I had only ever met once before, and it was very pleasant getting a chance to speak with her tonight. I salvaged what would have been a disappointing night by spending my time at the Royal Key and getting to know that bartender.

Maybe there is some hope in salvaging this black territory. The bar manager is obviously at this time a white piece, a white bishop I am guessing, but he is in black territory after all.

In the end, I had a great night and I am glad I went out. I have committed to going back Friday, and buying the bartender dinner. I am looking forward to it.

Sometimes it just feels like Zugzwang

It's not really zugzwang, where any possible move will put me in a worse position. But sometimes it seems that everything I attempt just makes things more interesting.

I was planning on attending the banquet today. Well, you know what they say about the best laid plans of mice and men and all. I checked my bank account about an hour before I was to leave and found that all my money had vanished.

No, it was not an accounting error. It was a mix up with the bank. I ended up having to skip the banquet as I attempted to get the whole thing straightened out. Luckily the money should be back into my account tomorrow morning. Should be.

Sometimes it just feels like Zugzwang, everything I do puts me in a worse position.

My plans for tomorrow include a rock and metal show at Rack'Em. Visiting a little black territory. But if I can't touch the money in my account still... well, I do happen to have a few dollars in cash, but it will be a night of light drinking.

Pawns, demons, coffee, pizza, and a banquet

Today I gathered together some of the students from two different schools and met with them at Dunkin Donuts (black territory) and then for pizza.

It's always an enjoyable evening with the students, but they can get a little out of hand at times. They are going to end up getting me kicked out of Dunkin, I can't afford to lose more territory!

There were at least two pawns present, perhaps up to four. My pawns are getting younger. But in chess, as in life, the game must go on! How can anyone predict who will become a major player in the years to come? I can make guesses and hope, but there is no certainty.

On a totally unrelated note, Deneth, the demon that lives in my laptop, gave me back my novel today. So I can continue working on it. This is a happy day indeed.

Tomorrow one of the schools is having a banquet. As of this moment I am planning on attending, although I am still working out some of the logistics. The sponser of that school is young and pretty Spanish teacher, I'll make every effort to attend! But don't be fooled, I would be more than pleased if a certain photographer were my companion tommorrow night.

Pawns, pawns, pawns. Cross the board!

White Territory Grows

So, yesterday night, after the wedding and all had quieted down I decided that I was bored and wanted something to do. There was a Metal Show down at Rack'Em that I should have gone to-- never hurts to check in on Black Territory-- but I chose to stay closer to this side of town.

I had been meaning to check out Hustler's for some time and several people had suggested it to me. So I decided to give it a shot.

Hustler's was not the place for me.

For starters, I enjoy the live music at Rack'Em. Hustler's has no live music. Which is actually great, because the music that Hustler's did have was of the hip hop variety. I skipped out on a metal show to listen to hip hop? God love me, I shoulda just shot myself.

And I have never seen so many people working at the bar. I swear, half the women I saw running around that night were waitresses. My experience with bar waitresses has been generally positive, but these were... not nearly as friendly, outgoing, and well... fun... as most of the waitresses I have had the good pleasure of getting to know.

I think Sarah was right, it's a different kind of scene when you are enjoying not only drinks but music. You sweat and bleed with those people, there is a deeper connection. Not at all like what I experienced last night.

So, the White Team can keep Hustler's. I won't be going back anytime soon. With the Royal Key becoming contested territory at least I still have Rack'Em.

And Dunkin' Donuts. That place is solidly my domain.

A new pawn? Maybe

So today was my mother's wedding. It was lovely, and I am a sucker for romance in the best of circumstances. The best moment of it all for me though was that I got to dance with my daughter at the reception. She and I shared the first dance together.

She was wearing a spring dress, with multi-colored polka dots. She is such a charming, pretty, and smart girl. I might be a little biased =)

Well before the wedding I was talking to my mother and asked (I was really joking at the time) if I could bring a date. My mom quickly and forcefully said no. Even though I was jesting, I was surprised at her swift reaction.

I later learned that it was because my ex was going to be there.

I asked my mother if there was going to be anyone there around my age that I could potentially, you know, dance with. My mother advised me that the only non-attached girl around my age would be my new aunt. I saw nothing wrong with the idea of dancing with my step-aunt. My mother seemed exasperated that I would consider such a thing.

So the wedding came and I was surprised to see a very pretty, young woman there. My mother never even considered the photographer... And I can't really blame my mother, she has known the photographer since the girl was four years old. I guess the fact that she is now eighteen never crossed my mothers mind.

It crossed my mind,

Initially I said, in front of the girl even, that she was too young for me. Then I considered that I was meeting her at a wedding of two people that have a 14-15 year age difference. Suddenly our age difference didn't seem so large.

I made efforts to converse with her and discovered that she is into the arts, going to school, and planning on pursuing a career in the arts. She was really sweet and agreed to "save a dance for me."

Unfortunately at the reception there were a grand total of three dance songs and she was taking pictures. When she discovered there were no more dance songs she apologized for missing our dance. =(

Before leaving she came to me and said her goodbyes, I gave her my card. We shall see if anything comes of it. I think there may be a new pawn here. Yay!

J'adoube

The translation of this particular chess term is common enough that I am going to not translate it for you. If you don't know it and are that curious, a simple Google search will give you the answer. I don't think I have ever seen this term without a translation immediately following it.

This weekend is going to be a busy one. So much so that I decided to not go to the show at Rack'Em tonight in favour of getting to bed before midnight (I have ten minutes!).

So with this preoccupation on the commotion around me, it may be a good time to J'adoube. What life doesn't need this once in a while? Socrates said that the "unexamined life is not worth living."

My life though reads like a novel. Right down to the dramatic irony thing. I will say something and in a day or two something will happen to underscore or prove my point. It has always been this way.

Remind me to release happy thoughts into the air from now on.

I will win the lottery. I will win the lottery.

At any rate, as I go to bed at this terribly early hour my thoughts are focused on J'adoube. I am well overdue to make adjustments to my life.

And I need more Black Territory. It's time to push to the center board and the midgame.

Development in "Black Territory"

This weekend is going to be a busy one and I won't be able to get out of the house and go to a show or bar like I usually enjoy doing. So I went out for a "short walk around the block" and ended up walking five miles to the Royal Key Bar.

It's never a dull night at the Royal Key, and usually there are many great reasons for this, but tonight the excitement came from an unexpected source.

You see, the Royal Key recently acquired new owners. With their new owners came several new staff members. One of these new staff members was made the bar manager.

And he was somewhat tipsy tonight. Maybe a little more than tipsy even.

One of the bartenders who had worked with the previous owner came up to the bar as I was sitting there silently over my drink and asked the new bar manger about his schedule. This bartender had not yet been told when he was scheduled to work.

I would have expected that the manager would have given him his schedule and that was all. But as I said, the manager was intoxicated and instead went into a hostile lecture about how he was new and didn't know how much business to expect and therefore could not make up the schedule.

His tone was hostile, and loud. In the middle of the bar, where the patrons, myself included, could overhear the entire conversation. He could not have known who was listening and hearing all this. Finally, in exasperation the bartender got up and walked out of the bar, calling the manager a dick as he walked out-- never having been given anything resembling an answer concerning his schedule.

While the bartender was outside the manager kept talking about him-- still loudly so that the entire bar could hear. "He is best friends with the old owner and isn't part of our team." "I don't want him working anywhere near me." "I can't wait to let him go." Things of that nature.

So... my question is... how is it appropriate to say these things in front of customers? Is his being drunk any excuse? This was a place I enjoy hanging out, but suddenly I question if I should ever go back.

The story doesn't end there though.

The bartender came back inside, having wisely stepped out to cool his head. The manager suddenly said things like "I don't dislike you" and the such, a reversal of attitude from moments ago. They sat down and the bartender tried to do just what I would have expected, talk about past business and what can be expected so that the manager would have something to go by when making the schedule.

The manager exploded-- again loudly enough for the patrons in the bar to hear. "How do you know my sales numbers?!" He demanded.

Now, from what I hear this guy has been the manager for all of four days. The bartender though has been working at this bar for months. The bartender SHOULD know the numbers-- at least anyone halfway paying attention to their job would.

From there the conversation between the two quieted a bit and I turned my attention to other things, rolling several things around in my head.

This couldn't look good to any customers in the bar. Even the other employees seemed tense. This also couldn't be the image that the bar would want to project, heck, even I am considering returning to the bar.

The bartender left, and I... well, I found other things to occupy my time. The whole thing though left a sour taste in my mouth. It is a good lesson in how employees need to act with maturity and responsibility when representing their business.

And I, I may have lost some Black Territory.

White Knight

Seems every time I bring up the white knight it is in reference to some gender equality issue. This time is no different.

Back in High School I went out with a girl that hated when I did things like hold the door open for her, tried to pay for her meals, and really just defered to her in any way. She somehow felt that these actions were my way of making her out to be "less than" or inferior to me.

Recently too I red a blog that claimed that women wanted a man that was not chivalrous, that treated a woman as an equal.

I've heard women complain that chivalry is dead, and women complain about men being chivalrous. Pardon my simple male brain, but what is wrong with a man having a simple respect for a woman?

My holding the door open for you or buying a meal is not meant as an indication that you, as a female, are somehow "less than." Half my board is female, and that was not by design, although it is coincidental that the females are segregated to the Queenside of the board and the males to the Kingside. It just worked out that way.

And for heaven's sake, my offering to buy you a drink at the bar is not my way of telling you that I want to get into your pants.

I was raised to respect women, and as I grew up I learned to respect people. It is possible for a guy to act wihtout ulterior motive. And it is possible for a guy to hold the door open for a woman and not think that she is utterly incapable of figuring out how to exit (or enter) a building without the help of a male.

I guess when it all comes down to it, if I have to pretend to be rude just so that you don't feel I am looking down on you... well, maybe it is better we part company. It will be much better for your self-esteem.

The rooks

The rooks sit at the four corners of the chessboard like silent sentinels. Their piece is represented as a stone tower, further giving the impression of steadfast, resolute strength.

Way back in the early Indian version of Chess the rook was actually representative of chariots. Moving in long straight lines to wreck havoc upon the enemy ranks.

In my life the kingside rook was easy to identify, this is my best friend Alex.

He has always been a pillar of strength, and the one person in this world that fully understood me and my crazier mannerisms. He is down to earth, compassionate, intelligent and understanding. This is not a side of him reserved for those that know him well, this is the face he shows everyone. It is simply who he is.

The rook on my queenside is Katie. Alex is my best friend, and Katie is number two. She has always been someone that I could meet on an intellectual level. I would drive 2 and a half hours just to be able to sit and chat with her over coffee. I adore her on so many levels.

These two are the pillars that hold up either side of my board. They are strong towers as well as powerful chariots. I trust them and love them, my life would be dramatically different if not for them.

Life should be fun

My Model UN students know that my number one rule for MUN is that "MUN should be fun." In reality, my number one rule in life is pretty much that life should be fun.

Chess is life, and chess, after all, is a game. It is a game that makes us think, makes us plan and plot, makes us sweat and bleed, makes us agonize and makes us fight. Yet it is a game, and a fun pastime.

Moving pieces, out-thinking your opponent, feeling your enemy, sensing victory... these are thrilling activities.

Playing chess is fun. Living life should be equally fun. In life we sweat and toil but there are always ways to make it enjoyable, even if only in the mind. Frequently when confronted with difficult situations I try to relate them to other things (like chess) and find some silly connection or enjoyable diversion.

That's probably why I am such a story teller, I like to share my silly experiences and get a laugh. Even when things are slow and quiet I can burst into a story. And it is from these moments of crazy story telling that my original maxim "MUN should be fun" was born.

Chess is life, Chess is fun, Life should be fun.

The Eight Faeries Chess Service

Chess sets (Chess Services)come in all kinds of themes and designs. There is a service for Civil War enthusiasts, lovers of Fantasy, even for car aficionados. My favorite chess service is the Eight Faeries chess set.

I encountered this particular service for the first time at Brewed Awakenings coffee shop in Cape Coral Florida (the coffee shop is now called Origins). I was just starting y love affair with all things Chinese when I saw this service.

It was amazing.

Beautifully carved panels, the squares had Chinese paintings and characters, and the pieces were gorgeous Chinese figures made of soapstone. Not only was this the time of my life when I was starting to become a Sinophile, it was also when my love for chess was blossoming. These two passions came together violently and beautifully in this one service.

The "Eight Faeries" are the eight immortals of Chinese legend and literature. At the time I had no way of knowing this, so I came to think of the chess set as the "Chinese Civil War" service. We referred to the darker side (it was conveniently a reddish color) as Mao and the lighter side (a light green) as Chiang.

In chess white goes first, which worked just fine, the Nationalists were the first to make a move against the Communists.

My love of chess developed over this service. The day it met an unfortunate demise (Jeff and Jeanette!) was a sad day indeed for me.

Pawn saves the King

About a week ago something wild happened.

There was a stabbing in Black Territory. Some guy was talking to the wrong girl and an ex boyfriend of hers decided to take his jealousy out on him with a knife.

I was present at the time. And I am totally the type that would have been talking to a random woman. The only reason I wasn't right there where I would have potentially been the one talking to this woman is that there was someone else present within Black Territory that I was more interested in talking to.

She is a pawn that I placed a few weeks ago when I ran into the White Queen. I knew she was going to be present that night so I intentionally went to be able to hang out with her. Developing this friendship seemed like a good idea, especially if I was placing her on my board.

Because I spent the night hanging out with her I did not spend the night talking to random people. I did not talk to THAT random woman. I therefore was not even in the room when the act of violence occured.

While it is presumptious to say that I avoided injury only because I was spending time with a pawn, when I look at the realm of other possibilities that night I can clearly see the night having gone much worse for me.

So, correctly or not, I do thank this pawn for keeping me out of trouble. Among the many things I thank this pawn for, she's a sweet and wonderful woman.

Placing pawns

Today three pawns seem to have advanced into center board. No En Passant yet either, although I can see it as a possiblity with one.

Before I even go into detail I will admit that I was hastey placing these on my board. I'm not desperate for pieces, but, well, I like to see things develop. Which pieces make it to the 8th rank and become transfigured? Thanks to the wonder of modern technology, all three pawns progressed today via Facebook.

The one that is threatened places me in an interesting tactical position. I could lose the entire board because of this pawn and the position it took. But it is my job too to see to this pieces development. It's a fine line to play, and if it makes it across board it will be worth it. This pawn lept forward today by engaging me in a battle of wits and words, layered with double meaning. The pawn was clever and brought me to laughing on more than a single occassion.

The second pawn is a lot like me. Scarily so in fact. As the pawn develops the board it will be interestng to see the path it takes. I'm committed to it's success, and it, well, it is committed to the success of the threatened pawn.

The third pawn is quickly developing the board. Someone that I didn't know, but probably should have. Having met this late in the game there is an unexplainable connection and growing friendship. It's nice to see this piece progressing.

So I placed three new pawns on the board today. A decision made recklessly, we shall now see if it is disasterous.

Tomorrow I enter deep black territory for what should be a fun night. I don't know if any black players will be there, but I haven't been there in almost 2 weeks, it will be enjoyable to be in my territory again.

Positional Analysis- Tampa

So yesterday I went to Tampa with a group of high school and middle school students for a Model United Nations conference. The students did very well, and we left with major victories. Not a chess game, but hey, it's all tactical.

Going to Tampa for something like this clearly moves the king from the first rank. Suddenly, I was among the pawns.

The pawns pulled off a stunning victory, "pawns are the heart of chess" after all. I do also have other friends in the Tampa area. Other pawns. This part of the board is being developed by black.

I don't know white's position here, although I am guessing some of the other school's fell to becoming white pawns after our "pwnage." This puts us into risk of En Passant.

Pride comes before the fall. If these pawns try to move too quickly, a white pawn will be there to take them.

The team did a marvelous job, but can't rest on their laurels. We can't come back to Tampa thinking that we can't be defeated. Take it step by step and develop the board wisely. Keep the larger goal in mind.

And those of you that became my pawns last night, congratulations. Welcome to The Game.

Chess Review

Today strategy games are everywhere. When I was in high school I remember playing and enjoying Dune 2 and Seige. Before then I played games like Warsong. Then came all manner of "Tactics" games like Final Fantasy Tactics, Ogre Battle, La Pucelle, even Romance ot the Three Kingdoms Tactics. Nowadays games like Warcraft dominate the strategy market.

The hunger for strategy games lives on, and their popularity is not difficult to discover. Strategy games force you to think and plan. They force you to fight for survival and use your mind.

But with all the strategy games on the market, if a game like Chess suddenly appeared how would it rate? What might a game review of chess soung like now?

Greg Kasavin attempts to answer that question with his review.

This tongue-in-cheeck review appeals to my sense of humour, but is also very telling. Even in a world of Warcraft (pun intended) the original game of chess stands on its own. Because in the end chess isn't just a strategy game, "Chess is life."

Shah mat! The king is... dead?

The term checkmate is derived from the phrase shah mat. Shah means king-- think of the Shah of Iran-- and mat means...

Well, most sources will tell you that mat means dead. So Shah mat means "the king is dead." In Arabic this translation holds true.

The problem though is that in chess the king is never actually killed. The other pieces die, a pawn or a knight might be killed, but the king is only at most placed into a position in which escape is impossible, he is never killed.

"The king is dead" is simply not the correct translation.

Part of the misunderstanding stems from the fact that chess arrived in Europe from the Arabs. They introduced chess and therefore we adopted the words they used and took their translation.

Another problem is that in English the names are different. We say Checkmate, but the piece is the king, not the "check." The words we use bear no similarity with the actual piece anymore.

The truth though is that chess came to the Arabs by way of the Persians. And in Persian Shah Mat means something slightly different. Shah still means king, but mat means helpless or defeated.

So shah mat actually means "The king is helpless."

And that makes a lot more sense when it comes to chess. The king doesn't die, he is simply rendered helpless.

Long live the king!

The Black Queen

This was a note I posted on Facebook that also works as my blog post. It is a joint memoir of myself and the character from my novel, Bayrd Anstal:

I hated her when I first met her.

It was nothing she did either... or well, part of it was, but mostly it was about who she was spending time with. I mistakenly thought he was her boyfriend. The fact that he wasn't didn't change the fact that she spent time with this guy. "Tell me who thy company is and I will tell thee who thou art."

So I came to the conclusion that she was a pompous, rude person. He was undeniably intelligent, and I could see that she was as well. I'm no idiot myself, I am drawn to intellectual people, but the arrogance and overweening personality of this guy repulsed me.

There was one major problem.

She was gorgeous. I disliked the girl, but couldn't help but keep an eye on her. And then she started showing up among my circle of friends, she was there in some of the same activities I did, she was in, what I would now call Black Territory, but I would have considered her little more than a white pawn, bishop at best.

Little did I know that she would undeniably become the Black Queen.

This is eternally significant. She was the Black Queen. Not at any point did Jennifer become the Black Queen. While that might sound harsh, keep in mind that in this game of chess (life) the King and Queen are not necessarily romantically involved. In Neville's books the Black Queen marries the Black Knight, the Black Bishop marries the White Queen, (a different) Black Queen marries (a different) White King... position on the board does not dictate a relationship between pieces.

Bayrd-- In a moment of personal tragedy she was the one that carried me through it all, the one that empathized and made herself available. In the strength of her love, love for someone that hated her, she changed my heart.

DXW-- I am not even sure when it happened or how. As I saw her more and more I began to see her distinctly for who she was and learned to not associate her with that pompoous, arrogant attitude I assumed she had. She was actually, intelligent, sweet, funny, and just fun to be with. And did I mention she was gorgeous?

Then one day she passed me a letter. I will never forget it because it said plainly, "I love you." In that moment I was transfigured. With those three words my heart melted.

Bayrd and DXW-- In the months that followed the relationship grew. She was amazing. There was no one I would have rather spent time with. Even now she is rarely far from thought or mind. She and I shared deep secrets and concerns, we beared our souls to each other. I may have never been so bluntly honest about my feelings and who I was with any other human being in my life. And the times that I held something back, she knew it all as if she could read my mind.

Then tragedy struck, and I didn't see her again. That was when my (our?) life (lives?) changed forever.


OK, joint memoir idea was a little odd. But I hope point made. Judging someone before getting to know them nearly cost me the strongest piece on my board, and poorly handling personal tragedy removed the piece.

The story is deliberately left hanging. Bayrd's story will be finished in the novel. The story of my life isn't written to completion yet.

Black and White part two

Both black and white believe their cause to be just. They believe that they are upholding righteousness in their struggle. White is always the aggressor however. White always takes the first move. Black then is on the defensive.

White reflects the light, black absorbs it. Either can be seen as righteous.

In the end though, there remains that duality. Not only is there White in Black Territory and vice-versa, but when a pawn successfully travels to the edges of the opposing territory they are transfigured and become more powerful.

Only by understanding your enemy do you ever understand yourself. How can you ever understand your own position if you don't understand the contra? By embracing this duality the weakest piece can become the most powerfull.

There is white and black in everything. Duality all around us. I was the White Knight, then the Black Knight, and finally the Black King. Amd now I understand that white, black-- its all the same. In one is the other.

Two righteous forces on the field, fighting a manifestation of a part of themselves. No wonder so many matches can only end in stalemate.

Black and White part one

Sixty-four squares on the chess board. It is upon that field that the classic battle of white versus black plays out. Those sixty-four squares alternate between black and white in a checkered pattern, balanced with thirty-two squares bearing each color.

Which means that, ironically, "Black Territory" has eight white squares and "White Territory" has eight black squares.

While this is a non-issue regularly overlooked and barely worth noting, it is infinately significant in a consideration of the duality of black and white on the chess board and in life.

In the Western World we have come to associate white with good and black with bad. Sadly, life is simply not that "black and white." There is a duality at play in most everything in our lives. The black team must embrace white and the white team black... with one exception.

The bishops. They adamantely sit on their one color and do not deviate. You might be compelled to think of them as the metaphorical angel and devil on the shoulder, whispering their advice and influence, BUT that would be accepting the idea that white is good and black is bad.

And that is simply not the case.

Zugzwang

There just comes a time where either way you are screwed. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Zugzwang occurs when a player has no move that will not worsen his or her position. The player must make a move, but every possible move places the player in danger. It's a matter of determining the lesser of the bad options, taking it, and working towards strengthening your position in the future.

I recently had to pay some bills that were the ex's. My name was on em, even though they were her debts. I am not in a position where I can afford to be so generous even if I really wanted to, but my options were essentially pay the bills or destroy my credit.

Zugzwang. No matter what option I took it was going to hurt. I paid the bils. This is not the first time and it probably won't be the last.

Tonigt I went out to volunteer with some of the students I work with. In order to do this I had to miss a major rock show with a beautiful young woman. My zugwang options were to either miss the concert or fail the students. I chose to do my volunteer work with the students and guess what?

I had a great time. I was reminded tonight why I do this volunteer work. I had been growing disheartened about it all but I am thrilled to have been able to work with amazing students and to hang out with them afterwards. And the woman? I will see her at another show tomorrow. She was one of the new pawns the other night, perhaps she can make the center board tomorrow night?

Sometimes it looks like zugzwang, but there are those few times that doing the right thing makes everything work out in the end.

En Passant

Sometimes the best laid plans just go wrong.

Ever feel like you are getting on your feet and just starting to move forward only to find that even such a simple little attempt sets you even further behind?

En Passant occurs when a pawn moves forward two spaces from its starting position, coming to rest in a square beside a pawn of an the opposing color. The enemy pawn may attack diagonally forward into the position that the pawn would have had to move through and legally capture the pawn. En Passant means "In passing" in french. The pawn is captured in passing.

Life is full of these En Passant moments. Despite the best laid plans, something happens in passing to set us back. The best strategic move would have been to not move that pawn at all. Sometimes we just have to wait until the time is right,

Sometimes I need to wait until someone worth being around makes me move. I am content with my bishops, knights, and rooks. There is no queen, but pushing a pawn across the board at this point is suicide, En Passant. Black is not ready for a queen, the field can still be managed and won missing that piece.

Chess is life, life is Chess. And in life, just as in Chess, the game must go on.